Poetry Drawer: The statue of Apollo through the marvellous night by Paweł Markiewicz

The statue of Apollo stood in the museum´s hall,
in the midst of the sculptures of the brightest antiquity-time.
The man visited it with the clearest Arthurian grail,
so that Phoebus awoke, with sheen of the first moon and star.

That Apollo was a friend of the museum´s warden,

who knew in moony dreams the petrified tears for ever.
Apollo in the dazzling stone meant a whiff of the time.
Nobody felt like eternally tender morn – a dream.

However amusing miracle of midnight happened.
The Phoebus became like a German-human, the soft man,
when Apollo was awakened through the enchantment.
And his heartlet was manlike as well as so immortal.

Apollo was able to think and muse such an oracle.
And he sent meek sagacity into the gentle spring.
The oracle showed only worlds like tenderly made pearls.
Apollo and this oracle had the souls from star-wind.

He was in position to dream like eternal dreamer.
His dreameries had epiphany of the hot wings-tides.
The souls of the divine sweetheart could bewitch hearts and tear,
perpetuate thus – softly the spell-like feast for the eyes.

The God could write poetries such night ovidian offspring.
He adored the spell of moonlet and tender shooting stars.
The enchanted distant night shone dreaming, gleaming, glinting.
His soul was close the gracefulness of the benign homeland.

The envoy of Elysium wanted to philosophize.
The ontology of miracle became most lovely.
The naiads became fair she-friends of the eternal things.
The celestial eudemonia became just so dreamy.

Paweł Markiewicz was born 1983 in Siemiatycze in Poland. He is poet who lives in Bielsk Podlaski and writes tender poems, haiku as well as long poems. Paweł has published his poetries in many magazines. He writes in English and German.

You can find more of Paweł’s work here on Ink Pantry.

Poetry Drawer: Apparition Poems #2135 & #2051 by Adam Fieled

Apparition Poem #2135

Out of the apartment, striding down
East Eden Street, I note how it might
feel to be homeless— desperate free-

falls into nothingness. I’m also gladsome
I’m not homeless yet; desperation,
thankfully, distant, inaccessible.

Yet also inaccessible is the warmth
of a life richly lived, which I
used to know well. As the sun rises,

something or someone other than “I”
sees the whole tableaux, meets me in
the middle with it from above—

wires, row-homes, branches, lights—
the latent morning tense, trying,
East Eden still asleep, I’m awake—

Apparition Poem #2051

Each day, I’m hollowed by
the Recession’s vacuum, & either
create my life or perish— no sense
of safety or coherence from a storied
past. As I walk Conshohocken’s
streets, I note the sky, just before
dawn, amusing itself in pastels—
ice on branches over tiny front/
back yards— all held self-sufficiently
in time’s objective indifference,
which I now feel passionately about,
for & against, December’s circuits—

Adam Fieled is a writer based in Philadelphia. New releases include the re-release of the Argotist Online e-books The Posit Trilogy, The Great Recession, and Mother Earth. A magna cum laude Penn grad, he edits P.F.S. Post.

You can find more of Adam’s work here on Ink Pantry.

Poetry Drawer: Chick-Fil-A: Strip District: Stand: At Jozsa Corner: In Line by James Croal Jackson

Chick-Fil-A

In the car my trainee says
I like Chick-Fil-A but I am not devout
in response to the chain’s

construction across the street
from the Panera we deliver food
for. And I want to say

If you care about gay rights
how can you stomach the roadkill
they sell? It is disgusting

and we should spit on it.
Spit on McDonald’s, too.
McDonald’s always spits on us!

I ate it up through childhood.
You know how some say they
don’t care until someone hurts

someone they care about?
Be brave enough to care

about the person more

than the sandwich.

Strip District

You work the pole– sweet
iso, that gig, mix of propyl and pyro
and sweet sixteen, blown out
birthday candles– in the Strip
District. That works, the arrangement
invoking higher powers (Catholic
because the universe placed you
in rural Pennsylvania). You have
recovered enough for so & so. Got
your mind back, your gig’s a block
from mine, by Uber, by auto, by ware
-house. Before sun sets I am ready
to quit my office job again, but I’ll
think of you when I pass
your work so dark when it’s dark,
so warehouse when it’s bright, you
bright? I’m worn as a shoe I wear
the same ones every day for years
and years and years.

Stand

I am begging for you to be well.
   At Spirit in Lawrenceville.
Lung cancer
                                 I can’t
 stand this for you. I
love you enough to know
this world
is too   crowded without
you & me standing
around, heads bobbing,
at another live show
    at a smoky dive bar,
asking each other
what we want next
& how much more
dearly in this life can
we stand   to lose?

At Jozsa Corner

You show me your ring from across the table
at Jozsa Corner purple glinted trophy a fern
to see you over table just fingers stretched
endlessly in the wooden field of my eyes
I didn’t try to find you allowed only the vase
of petals to interrupt us eucalyptus without
features I wanted to stop with this pot
of gold display but I am becoming beyond
my means more materialistic too waiting
for flicks of phone to tell me what waits
at my doorstep nothing so glamorous
as commitment nothing but capitalist
tendencies thrust in my face everywhere

In Line

Seconds
pass. Butterflies wing,
a note floats spring
sprawled across,
cursive,
swarming
into new jazz
harmony to
-gether in the
melting lease
of body.

James Croal Jackson is a Filipino-American poet working in film production. His latest chapbook is A God You Believed In (Pinhole Poetry, 2023). Recent poems are in ITERANT, Stirring, and The Indianapolis Review. He edits The Mantle Poetry from Nashville, Tennessee. Instagram. Bluesky.

You can find more of James’ work here on Ink Pantry.

Inky Essays: The Phoenix of Power: Decoding Social Supremacy Through a Village’s Story by Ghulam Mohammad Khan

The essay offers a philosophically engaged and theoretically rich examination of how power operates and perpetuates itself, weaving together insights from Foucault, Bourdieu, Spivak, and Gramsci to dissect the subtle mechanics of caste, class, and gendered domination. Set against the microcosm of a village, it reveals how supremacy regenerates not only through overt violence but also through cultural codes, normalized practices, and silent complicity. By blending narrative storytelling with critical theory, the essay challenges static conceptions of power, urging a deeper awareness of its fluid and resilient nature.  

Reductionism, as a philosophical methodology, operates on the premise that complex systems or abstract ideas can be dissected into simpler, more tractable components to facilitate comprehension. This epistemic strategy, while often critiqued for its potential to oversimplify ontological richness (as warned by emergentist theories in the philosophy of science), nevertheless serves a hermeneutic function—allowing us to trace the capillary workings of grand constructs like religion, caste, or hegemony back to their micro-social instantiations.

In my small teaching career, I have observed students who seek mere conceptual clarity rather than a praxis-oriented understanding of these ideas. This exemplifies what Heidegger might critique as a prioritisation of “present-at-hand” (Vorhandenheit) theoretical knowledge over the “ready-to-hand” (Zuhandenheit) embeddedness of these structures in lived experience. Indeed, phenomena like structural repression, ideological displacement (Freud’s Verschiebung meets Althusser’s ideological state apparatuses), or the Lacanian unconscious do not merely exist as abstract schemata; they perform iteratively through quotidian social rituals, often in ways that escape agential awareness.

There is a small village that I know intimately—a microcosm that perfectly illustrates how societal concepts operate on a grander scale. By examining this village closely, we can uncover how much of our socio-cultural behaviour unfolds unconsciously, revealing deeper patterns that shape human interaction. My invocation of the village as a microcosm echoes Wittgenstein’s notion of “forms of life” (Lebensformen), where the grammar of social norms becomes intelligible only within localised practices. By examining how caste hierarchies or religious dogmas are unconsciously reproduced in the village’s daily interactions (Bourdieu’s habitus at work), I attempt to expose the dialectic between macro-structures and micro-practices. This approach not only demystifies the “bigger ideas” but also reveals, via a Foucauldian lens, how power operates diffusely through seemingly innocuous cultural repetitions. The village, then, becomes a site of thick description (Geertz), where the unconscious socio-cultural performance is laid bare in its most unmediated form.

The origins of a family’s ascent in this village to dominance remain obscured by time, as though their authority had always already existed—a self-justifying myth that naturalised their power as celestial ordination or inherent superiority. Their material hegemony was undeniable: the oldest orchards, the most fertile rice fields, and the labour of villagers harvested along with the crops. But more than wealth, it was their monopolisation of institutional roles—bureaucrats, physicians, professors, teachers—that cemented their dominance, transforming their lineage into a self-replicating elite, a mohalla that was both a physical enclave and a synecdoche for the village’s power structure.

What is crucial, however, is not their luxury but the unconscious machinery of their supremacy. Despite their education, they remained blind to the artifice of their own hierarchy, trapped in what Marx would call false consciousness, though here it is less a proletarian misrecognition than a bourgeois amor sui—a narcissistic attachment to their own legitimacy. Any challenge to their authority was met not just with resistance but with visceral indignation, as though the act of questioning was itself a sacrilege. The family’s reactions were not calculated manoeuvres but unreflective reflexes, revealing how deeply their dominance had been internalised as natural law.

This belief in their innate superiority was not theirs alone; it was collectively reproduced by the village laity, a Gramscian cultural hegemony in miniature. Their influence permeated every collective endeavour—developmental projects, dispute resolutions, land disputes, committee selections, panchayat decisions, elections, religious rites, funding allocations, even matrimonial alliances. Their counsel was not merely consulted; it was constitutive of the village’s social ontology. Decisions made without their sanction were inherently unstable, as though legitimacy itself flowed through their approval. When bypassed, they retaliated not as scheming oppressors but as righteous arbiters of order, their contrivances framed—even to themselves—as just retribution for transgressors.

And so it continued, decade after decade, until their dominance ceased to be perceived as dominance at all. It became doxa (Bourdieu)—the unquestioned order of things, so deeply sedimented into habitus that it was indistinguishable from nature itself. The family did not rule; they simply were, and the village, in turn, could not imagine itself otherwise.

Yet philosophy—from Heraclitus’ panta rhei to Nietzsche’s eternal recurrence—reminds us that no structure, no matter how ossified, can eternally resist the forces of change. Every hegemony carries within it the seeds of its own subversion, for power is inherently discursive (Foucault), contingent (Derrida), and vulnerable to the event (Badiou) that ruptures its illusory permanence. Tradition masquerades as natural law until a crisis exposes its constructedness, revealing that even the most entrenched hierarchies are but temporary fictions awaiting disruption.

This rupture arrived during Ramadan, a month of heightened spiritual reflection that, paradoxically, often becomes a site of hermeneutic conflict. As observed across Kashmir, the act of scriptural interpretation—far from yielding singular truths—unleashes a plurality of contested meanings (Gadamer’s fusion of horizons clashing with the fundamentalist desire for closure). The village mosque, too, became an arena where the family’s authority was challenged—not through direct revolt, but through the very mechanism they had weaponised: religious orthodoxy.

The Imam, a humble figure anointed by the family’s patronage, embodied the Gramscian organic intellectual—subaltern yet legitimised by tradition. His forced resignation over an impossible demand (memorising the entire Quran for Taraweeh prayers) was a performative assertion of the family’s power, a spectacle meant to reinforce their role as arbiters of sacred order. But their overreach backfired. The replacement—a young Hafiz whose faltering recitation disrupted the liturgy—became the event that shattered the villagers’ docility. Here, Žižek’s parallax gap emerges: the family’s insistence on textual perfection revealed not divine order but their own fallibility.

The collective hiss that followed was more than dissent; it was the return of the repressed (Freud), the unconscious recognition of systemic hypocrisy erupting into public consciousness. When one villager dared to speak— “What was wrong with our Imam?”—it marked the crystallisation of what Rancière calls dissensus: the intolerable gap between the imposed order and lived experience. Religion, often the opium of the masses (Marx), here became the toxin that poisoned the family’s authority. The mosque, once a site of their control, transformed into the stage for their symbolic undoing.

The family’s most vocal member—a figure whose arrogance had long been tolerated as an extension of their perceived supremacy—silenced the murmurs of dissent with a performative assertion of authority: “How dare you talk like that? The Imam was removed by the mosque committee. Nobody can bring him back.” This moment crystallised what Althusser termed interpellation—a hailing of subjects into ideological submission, where the very act of speaking back is rendered unthinkable. Yet, as Foucault reminds us, power provokes resistance precisely where it seeks to impose silence.

The backlash was inevitable. The village, previously fragmented in its docility, now converged in collective curiosity—even those who had never entered the mosque were drawn into its orbit, not by piety, but by the intoxicating possibility of rupture. Suddenly, religious texts were scrutinised, traditions debated, and authority questioned. This shift exemplifies Sartre’s radical conversion, where individuals, once passive, awaken to their own agency through confrontation with oppressive structures. The newcomers’ notice, pasted defiantly on the mosque entrance, weaponised scripture against its arbiters, exposing the hypocrisy of a committee that had operated in shadows. The Quranic verses cited were not just theological arguments but counter-hegemonic tools (Gramsci), dismantling the family’s monopoly on religious legitimacy.

The conflict escalated into raw agonism (Mouffe)—a clash not just of egos but of competing regimes of truth (Foucault). The family’s dominance, once naturalised, now appeared fragile, its supremacy exposed as a contingent performance. The refusal of young newcomers to pray behind the inept Hafiz was not mere disobedience; it was a performative contradiction (Habermas), revealing the absurdity of the family’s claims to religious authority. The irony was inescapable: only one family member attended the mosque, yet they dictated its order. The rest, insulated by privilege, had long abandoned the very institution they sought to control—a stark illustration of Marx’s critique of religion as the illusory happiness of the oppressed, maintained by those who do not even believe in it.

The scuffle inside the mosque marked the first materialisation of revolt—a bodily defiance against symbolic violence (Bourdieu). But the family’s response was even more revealing: they locked the mosque and renamed it after their caste, transforming sacred space into private property. This act laid bare the latent function of religious institutions under hegemony: not as houses of worship, but as instruments of social control. The newcomers’ counter-action—unlocking the mosque—was a reclamation of commons (Hardt & Negri), a defiance of propertisation.

Then came the final, devastating twist: the family produced documents, claiming ownership of the mosque’s land. Prayer ceased. The sacred was suspended by the juridical. In this moment, the mosque, once a site of collective faith, became a battleground of material and epistemic dispossession (Spivak). The family’s move was not just about land; it was an assertion that even the divine could be subject to their authority.

This crisis laid bare the instability of meaning itself. The mosque, once a stable symbol of communal unity, now became a site of semiotic slippage (Derrida). Was it a house of God, a caste’s property, or a battleground for liberation? The villagers, caught in this hermeneutic chaos, fractured along new lines: some retreated into private prayer, others ventured to the marginalised wicker-workers’ mosque, only to recoil at its perceived “impurity,” exposing the latent casteism that even dissent could not fully erase. The family, meanwhile, began tallying enemies based on something as mundane as greetings withheld, a performative unravelling of social codes. The absence of a customary salaam became a silent insurrection, a Lacanian acte manqué where the failure to speak carried more meaning than words ever could.

When the resistance leader demanded accountability for the “mosque committee,” he uncovered a farcical truth: no such democratic body existed. The villagers, long complicit in their silence, now feigned ignorance, dissociating from a fiction they had passively sustained. This was the ultimate Althusserian misrecognition—the illusion of decentralised authority sustaining centralised oppression. The village, once unified under the family’s hegemony, now splintered into factions: the loyalists, the covert resisters, and the openly defiant.

The resistance leader stood at a liminal threshold—between history and its redefinition—a living embodiment of Walter Benjamin’s Jetztzeit (“now-time”), where the past is not a fixed narrative but a contested terrain. He knew the family’s dominance was not merely political but epistemic, woven into the very fabric of social cognition. To dismantle it would require more than protests; it would demand a revolution of the symbolic order (Žižek). Yet he also recognised the paradox of his position: to fight caste supremacy, he had to instrumentalise religion, replicating the very structures of ideological warfare he sought to overthrow.

This was not a battle of brute force but of hegemonic rearticulation (Laclau & Mouffe). The family’s power, though wounded, persisted through what Foucault called the microphysics of power—the daily, invisible reinforcements of hierarchy. The resistance leader, for all his rhetoric, was trapped in the same discursive prison: to oppose the family, he had to play by the rules of their game, where even rebellion risked becoming another form of subjection.

The newcomers’ resistance took on a theological dimension—a strategic masterstroke. By declaring that a mosque cannot be named after a caste, they weaponised religious orthodoxy against the family’s hubris, invoking fatwas from esteemed ulemas to dismantle the legitimacy of the family’s claim. Yet, the leader of this group, though ostensibly fighting for religious purity, harboured a deeper, more personal vendetta: a seething hatred for the caste supremacy that had structured village life for generations. In seizing this moment of crisis, he revealed the Nietzschean truth that all moral crusades are born from ressentiment—a sublimated will to power masquerading as righteousness.

The late-evening scuffle that left the resistance leader nearly dead was not just an act of violence—it was a spectacle of power (Debord), a brutal reassertion of dominance meant to terrify the village back into submission. The family’s calculated ambiguity, “It will be verified”, while never explicitly claiming responsibility, exposed the banality of evil (Arendt) in their rule: power thrives not just through overt oppression, but through the plausible deniability of its mechanisms.

Then came the masterstroke: the family “discovered” land records (real or forged) proving their ownership of the mosque’s grounds, only to magnanimously declare they would not reclaim it, for it “belonged to God.” This was pure ideological alchemy (Žižek)—a move that transformed their violent hegemony into an illusion of benevolence, reinforcing their authority while appearing to relinquish it. The locks were broken, the mosque “restored,” the old Imam reinstated, and the committees “reformed”—yet nothing had truly changed. The structure of power remained intact, merely repackaged as concession.

The resistance leader, now silent, confronted the bitter truth: the family’s dominance was not just political but metaphysical, woven into the village’s collective unconscious (Jung). His struggle had revealed the meaninglessness at the core of all social order (Camus), where every attempt to “balance” injustice only reinscribes it in new forms. Like the Phoenix, hegemony rises from its own ashes—not despite resistance, but because of it, metabolising dissent into renewal (Foucault’s productive power).

The lesson was clear: power does not simply repress—it adapts. The family’s triumph lay in their ability to stage surrender while tightening their grip, proving Adorno’s dictum that “the whole is the false.” The leader’s defeat was not a failure of courage but of imagination: he had fought the family’s form without seeing that its essence was hydra-headed, always already reconstituting itself.

Works Cited

Althusser, Louis. Lenin and Philosophy and Other Essays. Translated by Ben Brewster, Monthly Review Press, 2001.

Badiou, Alain. Being and Event. Translated by Oliver Feltham, Continuum, 2005.

Benjamin, Walter. Illuminations: Essays and Reflections. Edited by Hannah Arendt, translated by Harry Zohn, Schocken Books, 1968.

Bourdieu, Pierre. Outline of a Theory of Practice. Translated by Richard Nice, Cambridge University Press, 1977.

Bourdieu, Pierre. Distinction: A Social Critique of the Judgement of Taste. Translated by Richard Nice, Harvard University Press, 1984.

Derrida, Jacques. Of Grammatology. Translated by Gayatri Chakravorty Spivak, Johns Hopkins University Press, 1976.

Foucault, Michel. Discipline and Punish: The Birth of the Prison. Translated by Alan Sheridan, Vintage, 1995.

Foucault, Michel. The History of Sexuality, Vol. 1: An Introduction. Translated by Robert Hurley, Vintage, 1990.

Freud, Sigmund. The Interpretation of Dreams. Translated by James Strachey, Basic Books, 2010.

Gadamer, Hans-Georg. Truth and Method. Translated by Joel Weinsheimer and Donald G. Marshall, Continuum, 2004.

Geertz, Clifford. The Interpretation of Cultures. Basic Books, 1973.

Gramsci, Antonio. Selections from the Prison Notebooks. Edited and translated by Quintin Hoare and Geoffrey Nowell Smith, International Publishers, 1971.

Habermas, Jürgen. The Theory of Communicative Action, Volume 1: Reason and the Rationalization of Society. Translated by Thomas McCarthy, Beacon Press, 1984.

Hardt, Michael, and Antonio Negri. Commonwealth. Harvard University Press, 2009.

Heidegger, Martin. Being and Time. Translated by John Macquarrie and Edward Robinson, Harper Perennial, 2008.

Lacan, Jacques. Écrits: A Selection. Translated by Alan Sheridan, Norton, 1977.

Laclau, Ernesto, and Chantal Mouffe. Hegemony and Socialist Strategy: Towards a Radical Democratic Politics. Verso, 1985.

Marx, Karl. A Contribution to the Critique of Political Economy. Translated by N. I. Stone, International Publishers, 1904.

Mouffe, Chantal. The Democratic Paradox. Verso, 2000.

Nietzsche, Friedrich. Thus Spoke Zarathustra. Translated by Walter Kaufmann, Penguin, 1978.

Rancière, Jacques. Disagreement: Politics and Philosophy. Translated by Julie Rose, University of Minnesota Press, 1999.

Sartre, Jean-Paul. Being and Nothingness. Translated by Hazel E. Barnes, Washington Square Press, 1992.

Spivak, Gayatri Chakravorty. Can the Subaltern Speak? in Marxism and the Interpretation of Culture, edited by Cary Nelson and Lawrence Grossberg, University of Illinois Press, 1988, pp. 271–313.

Wittgenstein, Ludwig. Philosophical Investigations. Translated by G. E. M. Anscombe, Basil Blackwell, 1953.

Žižek, Slavoj. The Parallax View. MIT Press, 2006.


Ghulam Mohammad Khan was born and raised in Sonawari (Bandipora); an outlying town located on the wide shores of the beautiful Wullar Lake. Ghulam Mohammad believes that literature is the most original and enduring repository of human memory. He loves the inherent intricacies of language and the endless possibilities of meaning. In his writing, he mainly focuses on mini-narratives, local practices and small-scale events that could otherwise be lost forever to the oblivion of untold histories. Ghulam Mohammad considers his hometown, faith, and family to be the most important things to him. His short stories have appeared in national and international magazines like Out of Print, Kitaab, Indian Literature, Muse India, Indian Review, Inverse Journal, Mountain Ink and more. His short story collection The Cankered Rose is his forthcoming work. Presently, he teaches as an Assistant Professor at HKM Degree College Bandipora, Kashmir.

You can find more of Ghulam’s work here on Ink Pantry.

Flash in the Pantry: The Words I Never Said by Veronica Robinson

Tears ran down my father’s face and his voice was strange when he spoke. ‘

‘Delores, I’ve brought the children.’

We crowded around the bed. My father held up my brother David, who was ten months old. He was brought to the hospital by Aunty Joyce.

That made us four children. Me, the eldest, my father’s daughter, but Mama Delores’s stepdaughter. I was eight. Then came my half-brothers – Joseph, four, still attached to his security blanket. Sam, three, proud, he was fully potty trained and David, ten months, taking his first steps. All my brothers were the children of both my father and Mama Delores.

‘Open your eyes Delores. Please try. All the children are here. Eloise as well.’

Gran adjusted Mama Delores’s pillows. ‘We travelled from the country to see you Delores’.

‘Look. She’s foaming at her mouth,’ Kay whispered hoarsely.

Doctor Paris, the family doctor came into the room.

‘She’s tired. Let her rest.’

‘She’s slipping away, isn’t she Paris? ‘

‘She needs rest and quiet.’

‘I would like the children to kiss her goodbye.’

‘Take her hand. That’s the most I will allow. Let them kiss her hand.’

‘She’s almost gone. Do as Dr. Paris says,’ this was Aunty Joyce. She always had the last word.

I looked around with apprehension. The room was all white. And the bed was in the middle of it. There was a basket of fruit sitting on a chest. The smell made me hungry; I had not eaten lunch. The temptation to reach out and grab the ripe mango on the top of the basket was painful.

There was a vase of red carnations, Mama Delores’s favourite flowers. My father must’ve brought them the day before. I guess he loved Mama Delores.

We queued up and kissed Mama Delores ‘s hand, lying frail and almost bloodless against the white sheet. When it was my turn, I felt like crying, but no tears came. I did not love Mama Delores. This was the guilty secret I carried with me, and now she was dying. I wanted to confess. I wanted to say sorry. For what, I did not know exactly. But I wanted to say ‘sorry’ anyway. I wanted to pour my heart out.

‘Eloise is such an understanding child,’ everyone said. Gran who didn’t usually waste words, remarked that I was understanding for my age. I did not want to be understanding, I resented everyone for saying that I was. Especially Gran. I felt she was the chief one who persuaded the family to make the decision that I leave the country, and live with my farther and Mama Delores in the city. The only way I could cope, was to try to be understanding to everyone around me.

I wanted to scream and yell and flounce. I wanted to be noticed. My cousin Kay was here. She travelled with Gran from the country. She wasn’t understanding. She didn’t do as she was told. She answered right back. And screamed and yelled and flounced. And she got just what she wanted, all the time. Life wasn’t fair, I thought. Nothing was fair where I was concerned.

My mother, Ivy, was just sixteen years old when I was born, and both my grandmothers thought she was too young to bring me up.

Fan-Fan, my grandmother on my mother’s side was a domestic servant in Gran’s household and, my father was Gran’s son, and already married to Mama Delores.

Fan-Fan pointed out my mother’s position. ‘It’s not going to be easy for Ivy to find a good husband, now that she has a child at such a young age. She has not even finished school.’

Gran agreed. ‘Delores has not had a child after four years of marriage. Maybe the best solution is for Baz and Delores to bring up Eloise and Ivy can finish her schooling through correspondence courses.’

Mama Delores tried to hurt my father and me with silence. I had no idea how her voice sounded, I never heard her speak. My father started drinking and he had lots of affairs. But they stayed together. They did not want another scandal.

It was two days on from our visit to the hospital. Mama Delores was lying in her coffin in the drawing room, surrounded by relatives and friends. The drawing room smelled strongly of flowers and mahogany polish.

‘ Delores died of a broken heart,’ Aunty Joyce said. ‘To have Eloise as a constant reminder of Baz’s infidelity was too much for her.’

‘It’s not Eloise’s fault,’ Kay said.

Kay was taking up for me. It wasn’t often anyone dared, for fear of making trouble.

‘Come Eloise,’ my father said ‘never mind Aunty Joyce, say goodbye to your mother and thank her for bringing you up.’

I tried to speak but no words came from my parched throat. I looked at Mama Delores. I’d tried to think of her as my mother, but she’d never allowed it. Never answered when I spoke. Now the words would not come.

‘I always knew she’d be ungrateful,’ Aunty Joyce said.

‘And you shouldn’t speak to people the way you do,’ said Kay.

Kay came over and stood by my side. I raised my head with newfound confidence to talk back to Aunty Joyce, but, I noticed my father instead. He looked at me anxiously. I bit my lower lip. Took a deep breath and spoke.

‘I love you Mama Delores,’ I said. ‘And I’ll miss you.’

‘You and your brothers are coming to live with Gran and me in the country until Uncle Baz gets on his feet,’ Kay said. ‘Aunty Joyce can’t get at you there.’

I nodded. Suddenly, I felt no guilt towards Mama Delores, no anger towards Aunty Joyce or Gran. I was looking forward to a new life in the country with my brothers and Kay, who’d take up for me. Tears came to my eyes and I cried.

Pantry Prose: It’s a Vast World by Balu Swami

He was dead. Yet he wasn’t. He went from a physical self to a conscious self. Even that is not quite accurate. He went from a bundle of particles to a single particle with a conscious self. There is still something missing. Take three: He became a single particle that may be a wave with consciousness. What happened to the bundle of particles? Totally incinerated. Completely disintegrated. That’s what a CME can do to you.

He was out there working on a malfunctioning satellite tethered to the interstellar space station on Planet Gi that was strangely close to Earth but within Venus’s gravitational pull. He was eight hours away from the station when the alarm sounded: “G5 storm.” His first thought was all his work was going to go to waste: the satellite communication system was going to go haywire. His immediate second thought was: “Do I have enough time to get to the safety of the radiation shield module inside the station?” He knew G5 storms – solar flares – travelled fast and he had no time to lose. As he sped towards the station, a second alert sounded: “CME.” Control confirmed that G5 had bypassed Venus’s orbit and was headed towards the Earth. At the same time, Control was tracking massive oceans of plasma engulfing Mercury and hurtling towards 51° south latitude and 21° east longitude, the second rock’s location. Hence the CME alert. He breathed a sigh of relief. CMEs – coronal mass ejections that erupt from the Sun’s corona – didn’t travel as fast as solar flares, so he had plenty of time to get to the safety of the station. This particular CME – 10^22 – had other thoughts. When he was an hour away from the station, a wave of plasma enveloped him, and he was entombed in his spacesuit.

His first thought was to go check on his wife. His other first thought was not to go check on his wife. Of late, their marriage had ceased to be a marriage. He claimed she had stopped loving him, so he threw himself at work. She claimed she had stopped loving him because he threw himself at work. No matter the cause, something inside had died for both. But curiosity got the better of him and he went to see her. When he hovered at the bedroom door, she shrieked: “who is out there?” She pushed the man on top of her – his fellow astronaut Dome – and went to the hallway to make sure. She returned to the bed muttering, “I swear I saw someone.”

He had an irresistible urge to go see his mother. But she was away. Far, far away. In a different galaxy, a different universe, a different dimension? He did not know. So he looked inward for his superposition. No luck. He went frantically digging up all about shape-shifting deities of the past: Bull or Swan, Raven or Coyote, Boar or Bat. Then it hit him. He needed a cat – a Schrodinger breed. The very moment Schrodinger entered his consciousness, he shifted to a wave. And he took off! He was racing – a billion kilometers an hour.

Subconsciously he knew his being was entangled with his mother’s. So he went in search of the qubits that carried his mother’s markers. He flew all over the Milky Way looking for a flicker of a photon or a pulsing electron. He spent quite some time on Kepler-47 convinced that he would find signs of life in at least one of the three identical planets. He flew past Gilese 1061, L-98 59, and many others whose names he had forgotten. No life, no dice. He left the Milky Way and was the lone voyager in an inky black void for a very, very long time. He could not tell how long since Earthly measures had lost all relevance in spaces far, far away from the solar system.

His conscious self had lost consciousness. He regained it when electromagnetic waves showered him with charged particles. A distant star came into view and disappeared. As he started to feel the futility of his search, he sensed the faint energy of an unknown and, yet familiar, electrical field. Could this be his mother’s biofield? He headed in the direction of the void where the mysterious star had appeared. He sensed life. There’s promise after all. The atmospheric pressure told him that he was entering the orbit of a planet. From up above, he saw the contours of a planet-like object and then the object itself – a blue and white marble much like Earth. He was picking up stronger signals from what he presumed to be his mother’s biofield.

He wandered along an ocean shore and entered the jungle. He had barely advanced when he heard his mother call out: “Son.” A big drop of water hit his head, and he turned around to face a large tree. “Mother, it’s you,” he cried and hugged the tree. He wanted to know about her transmigration from human to dendron. She told him she was a pharmacist in the same community where she was now long before she had become his mother. A massive asteroid had hit the planet and annihilated everything in and out of sight. It forced her to seek life elsewhere and that elsewhere happened to be Earth. After her death on Earth, she wanted to return to her place of origin. He was about to ask her about her work as a pharmacist when he saw a possum clamber up his mother’s trunk, chew on a bark and then scamper away. He asked her about the inhabitants of the planet and all she said was “No humans. No malevolent creatures.” He trekked around and saw a Raven-beaked Coyote, a Bull-faced Swan, and a Boar shaped like a Bat. They went about their business and appeared to live in harmony. He liked the world where there was neither predator, nor prey. He asked his mother what he should do to become a part of her community. She said, “Pick something you like and make sure what you do helps others.” It’s the same advice she had given him when he was thirteen, long before he became a space voyager.

Balu Swami lives near Phoenix, AZ, USA. His works have appeared in online publications in the US and the UK. His main interests are sci-fi, folklore, fairy tales, and myths. Many of his stories explore the area where the paranormal intersects advanced science.

You can find more of Balu’s work here on Ink Pantry.

Poetry Drawer: Lakeside Bird Feeder, First Day: Mallards, Mounted on a Chimney Wall: Lakeside Bird Feeder, Squirrels: Field Notes from an Old Chair: Lakeside Bird Feeder, Wet Snow: I Don’t Know the Biochemistry of a Hummingbird by D. R. James

Lakeside Bird Feeder, First Day

It should’ve taken only that scouting,
squawking jay to get the word out.

Framed in a pane, on a perch,
he was posed, a post card, puffed

against the brittle cold. His stylish
scarf feathers flicked an impatient face,

and his scruffy topknot signaled
who knew who in the neighborhood:

“Easy Supreme and Sunflower Mélange
swinging free off this deck!” See, he’d need

some wirier guys to stir it up, to urge
the tiny silo to flowing so he could

swoop in, scoop out the run-off: “Anyone
game enough to give it a go?” But, no.

And now, not a single soul for supper.

Mallards, Mounted on a Chimney Wall

I’ve a vague idea how they ended up
these two hundred lovely feet from shore,
this side of the tall double panes, veering

over the owners’ photos propped on a mantle,
over an old golden retriever twitching now
on his sheepskin rug. So I doubt it was due

to the wrenching updraft depicted
in their implausible contortions, the bunched
shoulders of their posed wings.

As mild chili simmers and Mozart saws
an easy soundtrack, they strive flat
against fine brick, forever matching

their sapphire chevrons, the shriveled orange
leaves of their feet. Meanwhile,
the drake’s clamped beak and his

wild dark eye seem to be carving
today’s northwest wind as if to permit
his trailing hen her subtle luxury

of squinting—as if, in wrestling her fixed
pin of fate, she entertains the greatest questions:
Why are we here? Where are we going?

Will we ever arrive? And, in a far softer thought
that has me perched on this hearthside chair,
my ear tiptoed to her dusty brain:

Why does it have to be me?

Lakeside Bird Feeder, Squirrels

Now if I had ambition I’d be
this kung fu squirrel, this lighter one,
this Jackie Chan, scaling stucco

to ledge to chimney to the hovering skid
of the evil whiz kid’s waffling chopper,
perpetual motion my only gear,

my sidekick wacky as this blacker one,
who tries but can’t quite nab his half
of the substantial stash. Their

choreography is manic, their fight scenes
replete with wall-walking, roof leaping,
jumps across gaps and gorges—all

their own improv’d stunts, every feat
a fleeting, one-take opportunity. It’s
those reflexes that make the difference:

when gravity catches their rare missteps
they can spin around an inch-thick span
of diagonal steel or the slippery rim

of a seed-spill dish, always squirming
all four feet first—whereas I’d just drop,
back-ass-down to the unforgiving earth,

my spindly claws and my mangy tail
spread like a shredded chute, a plea
for anyone at all to catch me. So,

I’ll leave these antics to my friends,
for today, the squirrels, until I can find
a way to foil them, deter them from

this wintertime welfare I’ve intended
for the birds, whose more manageable
business will give me the docile pleasure

I’ve been seeking: sitting here in a chair,
swathed in luscious listlessness, slinging
these escape lines toward anywhere I wish.

Field Notes from an Old Chair

Well, they’ve come, these early crews
though it’s only March, which in Michigan
means maybe warm one day,
the few new tender greens making

sense, then frigid and snow the next four,
fragile bodies ballooned, all fuzz
but feeding and competing just the same.
Who would’ve ever guessed you’d be happy

anticipating birds? Since you’ve taken up
the old folks’ study of how certain species
seem to like each other, showing up in sync
like the field guides specify, your chair’s

been scribing the short, inside arc between the feeder
and where you’ll catch a bloody sun going down.
Then, mornings, if you forget, two doves startle you
when you startle them from a window well,

and as if the titmice and chickadees,
finches and nuthatches can read
they trade places on perches all day—
size, you notice, and no doubt character

determining order, amount, duration.
At this point you could’ve written the pages
on juncos or on your one song sparrow so far,
plumped and content to peck along the deck beneath.

And that pair of cardinals you’d hoped for?
They’ve set up shop somewhere in the hedgerows
and for now eat together, appearing
to enjoy each other’s company, while all above

out back crows crisscross the crisp expanse
between the high bones of trees
and the high ground that runs the dune down
to the loosened shore. Soon hawks will hover,

and when a bloated fish washes up overnight,
luring vultures to join the constant, aimless
gulls, you’ll be amused you ever worried
that the birds would never come.

Lakeside Bird Feeder, Wet Snow

Like the trusty railing, the congenial
patio table, the steady deck itself,
and every firm crotch
in every faithful tree, the feeder’s
become a sculpture.

I should have black and white to lace
into the camera to capture
this transubstantiation, this emergence
from the overnight dark and storm,
an aesthetic thing in itself,
dangling like an earring
from the gaunt lobe of a different day—
a white arrow, squirrel-emptied,
aimed straight for the flat sky.

The first little bird to find it, sunup,
can only inquire, perch
and jerk a nervous while,
then quickly move along
in wired hopes the other stops
around the circuit will service
his tiny entitlement, will be
scraped clean and waiting
like a retired guy’s double drive.

By tomorrow I know this wind
and another early thaw
will have de-transmorphed my feeder
to its manufactured purpose,
its slick roof and Plexiglass siding
once again resembling an urbane
enticement to things wild, some Nature
available outside a backdoor slider.

And I know I’ll have also lost
more impetus for believing
in permanence—except
of the impermanent, its exceptional
knack for nourishing the dazzle
in this everyday desire.

I Don’t Know the Biochemistry of a Hummingbird

I can only wonder
at this blurred
whir of evidence, clouded
in the blue fan
of a thousand
wings. I want
to feel
their million beats
per second on my beard
and lashes, reel
from each swig,
the dozen
manic intervals,
stomach a zoom
to the forsythia, whose
scream of tender yellow
faded and fell
last week.
How
can mere filaments
in tiny shoulders flex
and reflex so fast?
How
can miniscule
sipping, the sucking
through a needle beak,
fuel a miniature tyrant’s
relentless burn?
Then, in the resting,
which is not even
a breath,
how rapid
the saturation
of liquid sugar
into blood, into
wing muscle, into
instinctual motive
for a horizontal
life? And how rapid
the depletion?

D. R. James, retired from nearly 40 years of teaching university writing, literature, and peace studies, lives with his psychotherapist wife in the woods near Saugatuck, Michigan, USA. His latest of ten collections are Mobius Trip and Flip Requiem (Dos Madres Press, 2021, 2020), and his work has appeared internationally in a wide variety of anthologies and journals.

You can find more of D. R. James’ work here on Ink Pantry.

Poetry Drawer: USA!!! by Mitchell Krockmalnik Grabois

My distaste for myself turned slowly to self-hatred
as the rich and powerful
kept shitting on me.
Poor me

Every time I stopped at a gas pump or a supermarket
and looked at the jacked-up prices as I filled my cart
or the tank of my beater
my stomach tightened
The rich got richer at my expense,
sucking the life out of me
My salary was always stretched, like an old industrial rubber band
always on the verge of snapping
I wondered why their greed was so justified
Some people have permission to do whatever they please
regardless of its effect on others
while I’ve got to get permission for a lot of things
from my wife
My world is negotiation and compromise—
that’s the work of marriage
Only the divorced escape it
and I don’t think I’d enjoy the loneliness
Very few people can stand loneliness

But greedy business owners
and the corporations who own them
and the corporations who own them
and the Jews behind it all
screw us over every day
(though the angry man tells us that
we’re not supposed to hate Jews anymore
even though they killed Our Lord)
But it’s ok to hate Palestinians

And one day our giant American bulldozers
will do their work, supervised by Israelis
and then the angry man
will put us all up for free
at the Grand Opening
of his Ultra-Luxury Gaza Riviera Resort
all the walls covered in gold
all the toilets made of gold
and me and my wife will have incredible sex
like we haven’t had since we were teens
on the most spacious bed and the most comfortable pillows ever made

And in the summer, we’ll float through the American Canal
and turn north to Greenland
where we’ll drink champagne and eat caviar
and enjoy fantastic spas
and be served by the darkest of Eskimos
and the Ukrainians will shower us with brilliant minerals
and Rare Earths

And where will the Palestinians be?
Dying of hunger and thirst and broken hearts,
they will wander in the same trackless desert
that the Israelites once crossed
until their God told them that they were His chosen people,
superior to all
and that they were free to smite everyone who stood in their way
Now the Jews, bloated with pride and revenge,
worship a mystical, powerful number: six million

So I held down my rage against all the exploiters,
and, in my favorite bar
drank my Budweiser from a Mason Jar
and waited for the glory days
when America would be great again
and I would be part of it

I smiled at my wife, I kissed her. She also found it hard to smile.
Her lips felt hard and chapped, and her cheap, peachy lipstick looked ugly
She’d been fired from her federal job
They’d sent her a letter saying that it was because of her lousy performance
but all her annual reviews had been as sparkly as diamonds and pearls
even the last one

Only later did I remember that the angry man
loved saying: You’re fired
It had been the core of his TV show

I’d voted for the angry man
the man who has as much hatred as me, including hatred of himself
Not everyone could see it, but I could
We were brothers
Mine was a mere trickle, but
his self-hatred was a flood

We’d surfed that flood together
yelling Beach Boys lyrics in each other’s faces
my face gross
pocked with teen acne scars
and the scars from my accident,
a face only a wife could love,
but he forgave me for my ugliness.
He was forgiving as Jesus,
his face as haughty as a king’s, eyes piercing
his orange face like a life-giving sun
We sang together
(I wish they all could be California girls)
until I was thrown off my surfboard
(he tried to catch me but failed)
and then I gripped branches
which tore my hands
as I tried to keep the current from sweeping me away

He’d told us that we were being screwed by the “woke,”
and by the Marxist elite
who controlled the deep state, which was an endless swamp
and that the last president was the devil,
always hiding in the brambles, devoted to doing us harm
and what the angry man said had made sense
Black and brown women
and men who’d turned into women
were the only ones who seemed to matter anymore
An avalanche of them
and another avalanche of illegal immigrants
It all crushed me

My dislike of myself turned to hate
like a slice of Wonder Bread
dropped into my malfunctioning toaster
popping out so black, it was untouchable, inedible
I think I’ll donate that shitty machine to Goodwill
and smile, thinking of some other asshole getting all frustrated
first thing in the morning

Drugs, entertainment, professional sports,
my team moving up in the playoffs,
almost getting the trophy and those big gold rings
none of that eased my pain
and hangovers made work worse
Too much fucking noise, metal grinding against metal
I wore a grimace all day
I could see it reflected in my buddies’ faces
I vowed to quit drinking, but knew I wouldn’t
I needed the brotherhood and the hilarity of our bar,
drunk and laughing until I was bent over double, helpless to stop,
tears falling from my eyes, unable to breathe
As Toby Keith’s beautiful, simple song goes, It ain’t too far
                                                                                come as you are
                                                                                I love this bar

Get this—
my wife says I’m an optimist
That’s a hoot, but I can see me through her eyes
and there’s a little something there
She holds onto me like a life raft
which is also funny, as the angry man’s flood already swept me away
leaving my hands bloodied and temporarily deformed
making it even harder to work
But we do the best we can, helping each other survive
That’s marriage too

I still have hope that life on Earth can be different,
that when we finally meet the aliens,
they’ll envy us

Anyway, someday I’ll wake up
and I’ll be in Heaven,
trading high fives with Jesus

Mitch Grabois has been married for almost fifty years to a woman half Sicilian, half Midwest American farmer. They have three granddaughters. They live in the high desert adjoining the Colorado Rocky Mountains. They often miss the ocean. Mitch practices Zen Buddhism, which is not a religion, but a science of mind (according to the Dalai Lama). He has books available on Amazon.

You can find more of Mitch’s work here on Ink Pantry.